The quickly the days are passing, more quickly this sense is intensifying in my mind, If I might have siblings outside this world, I was enjoying the world, doing something for this world, serving the humanity, opening charitable organizations, making trusts. It is easier to day dream then does these things, as nobody is that much capable of doing these things. I know and I can never fly outside these territories, do you know why because I
Am special and I having no siblings abroad? And either I can’t do these things because nobody can realize how difficult it is live when after growing up the society, market and institutions have brought him in disparity.
I have been victimized of this disparate attitude not since now but since the age when I was admitted in school. Why my behavior remained so suspicious and the secret remained behind this that was I will be able to live further life and how I will create compatibility with the society when they only disparate poor specials.
Academically I tried my level best to study like the normal beings and gave my heart and soul but always my sickness came in and never let me earn good marks because the mistakes in my papers were negatively marked and these were by product of sickness that I experienced through out my life. But I can’t expose that I am among the specials that can be educated and without bringing them in competition their potential can be checked.
It was just to my goodness that I started self medicating myself and hided this fact that I am also among the specials. At any instance my special ness is exposed, It will increase my difficulties much more. I came to know this fact that I am special then when I noticed that I am not blessed enough like other normal beings. I am deprived of some instincts that normal human brains have.
Today, I have totally lost the game and too much worried about rest of my life. The reason is that being special I was brought in social politics, victimized, deprived, morally attacked, emotionally hurt and in the end today I am even handicap to go for presentation without any assistant with me. If I would have not been Muslim, I might have been treated heartedly by international community.
My major problem remained that how to decode and if I can decode then how much time It will take me and how much time It will take in thinking and decoding it.
I don’t remember many things as many normal beings do but I frequently forget.
And there are many such disorders that I am experiencing. I am not sure which mental disorder this is but surely it is Autism. And I have to prepare myself for the forthcoming tomorrow for me.
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